Has anyone ever loved? I don’t know if these flesh and bones beings even can. I have seen so many, believed so many, trusted none, never, not one. I have no counterpart. No one like me. I am a woman without a husband, a heart without a hope, a dream that never became a memory, a life that never breathed. I am Rachel though my heart breaks like Leah’s. I am the widow at the window, the woman sneaking her water at the late hour. I am a lesson to be learned, a dreamer never, a thinker ever. I research and gather, I study and devour.
I remember only the heat of your skin. I remember only the shape of your eyes. I remember only your legs your hair your lips your hands. I only remember the shape of you the warmth you gave. I remember only you in the light of the forever we will be apart.
I fell down again and I never wanted to fall down again. He has eyes like skies and I want to tell you two decades is just enough to even look again. I want to tell you I recovered enough to do it, but I didn’t want to and so I won’t. I won’t forget and I won’t remember and I won’t try and I won’t do this again. I’ll pretend it doesn’t hurt like I’m dying. And I promise I will not cry. I promise I will never be anything but what I am. I will walk and walk until my legs fall off but I will not do this again.


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